Recently a young woman admitted to me that she was often “mean” to herself. That morning her internal bully–the one in charge of exercise and diet–berated her for sleeping in and missing a workout: You Jerk! Can’t you do anything right?
This was supposed to motivate her. It didn’t. Perhaps you, too, have noticed that such rigid expectations and unkind inner conversations are actually self-defeating. Trying too hard to make it all just right, all the time, turns us into candidates for burnout.
And in case you think this dried-up condition occurs only when one overworks at a job, reflect on the definition from Myron Rush’s book, Burnout: “The type of stress and emotional fatigue, frustration, and exhaustion that occurs when a series (or combination) of events in a relationship, mission, way of life, or job fail to produce an expected result.” Burnout can happen in any life role or area when we cling to unreasonable expectations and ignore this truth: Only God is perfect!
We gain relief from naggingly consistent disappointment when we “toss out” this misconception that people (including bodies, minds, and emotions) have the ability to be flawless 24/7. It’s just not possible here on this earth.
If you’re like me, you appreciate any reminder of this relief-producing reality, whether it’s through a friend’s story, Bible verse, funny irony you witness, bigger-than-life blunder you face, or speaker/book message. The book, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life gives you 163 two-three minute devotionals to help you relax and enjoy your humanness. Check it out. http://tinyurl.com/DevoBook
By the way, if you missed your workout today, give yourself a break and “go for it” tomorrow.
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I liked this Joan. I think it reflects many women’s experience. I hear that voice less and less, but it takes time and self-love to diminish it’s power. Thank you for writing this.
Thanks for your comments, Denise. And congrats for your progress in hearing that negative “voice” less and less.
It is an ongoing process, isn’t it? But worth it!
This is exactly what I needed, Joan! I just returned from a 30-day speaking and book-signing tour in Poland where I spoke in 13 different cities via train, bus and automobile (four times in Warsaw area) was interviewed on 2 live radio shows, 5 taped radio programs, one live talk show, and had several magazine and newspaper interviews. Needless to say, I was exhausted upon arriving home. But I didn’t know it because I was still on a “high” from the trip.
Despite having hurt my knee on the flight home, I planned to hit the deck running. I’d whiz through countless e-mail message, an entire laundry basket full of mail picked up at the post office, face and deal with a serious business problem, and ignore my painful knee by jumping right back into exercising at Curves. All in the first week. After all, I was Super Woman! But my body said nie (the no word it had picked up in Poland) and it crashed. But my brain was a bully! “You whimp! Get up and get going, you have a month of catch-up to do, plus, you have some writing deadlines, so don’t waste time!”
I was feeling guilty until I read your wise words today. I realize I am not Super Woman, I don’t have to do everything right now. In fact, I’m giving my body permission to take as long as it needs to rest. So, please excuse me as I’m going to fix myself a cup of Polish hot chocolate, lean back in my easy chair, rest my knee, and do absolutely nothing!! And not feel guilty!!
Awesome, Kitty. I love it that you have your knee up resting, and that you’re doing nothing but recuperating (which is substantial) right now.
You had quite the trip. I’m sure you touched many lives.
Now you are hushing Mr. Should Bully and ministering to Kitty. I’m smiling here.