Thankful for That Imperfect Marriage

by Joan C Webb on November 25, 2010

On the Way to Becoming the Perfect Wife

Wedding kiss 12-31-67I wanted to be a perfect wife—to be all Richard desired and make him happy that he married me. But my initial goal turned into obsession. I felt compelled to modify my personality, beliefs, talents and hopes to match his. It looked good, but it felt awful.


Eventually, my unrealistic expectations led to burnout. The outward me could no longer live in disharmony with the inner me. I had to do something or crumble. Yet the thought of changing the way Richard and I related to each other scared me.

“What if you don’t like me or our marriage when I share the real me?”

“I will,” assured my husband.

At first, I didn’t believe him. And truthfully, adjusting our conditioned relational patterns—the way we had learned to interact with one another—felt unfamiliar and awkward to us both. Yet gradually we’ve grown more comfortable accepting our differences and sharing our needs, vulnerabilities and desires.

Richard-Joan Drawing 5-7-05We’re discovering how to combine who we are on the inside with what we appear to be on the outside. I think we’re growing into the individual persons God created us to be. We’re also enjoying our imperfect relationship. And I’m grateful. Extremely grateful.

What unlikely “thing” are you grateful for this Thanksgiving 2010?

Adapted from It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Alicia -- Beba Photography December 27, 2010 at 2:08 am

Strive for excellence, not perfection. Best advice someone ever gave me. Trying to be perfect squelches love because the fear behind it makes you focus on whether or not you’re doing things right or wrong, whereas love’s focus is on giving. Perfection is not good because it feels like it cannot perform unless circumstances to be right, whereas love thrives in every circumstance.

Alicia -- Beba Photography December 27, 2010 at 2:09 am

{ Perfection is not good because it feels like it cannot perform unless circumstances ARE right } Sorry, typo. ; )

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