Not everyone will like you or agree with your decisions. (Bummer!)

Some may reject your values, doubt your credentials, or clash with your personality. It can cause you to be overly-concerned about what others think. (I get that, because it happens to me, too.)

The Apostle Paul mentored young Timothy and encouraged him to live wisely and courageously as the person God called him to be. (1 Timothy 4:12-14.) Yet Paul knew the truth: Only God is perfect. He is “the blessed and only Sovereign…who alone has immortality” (1Timothy 6:15-16).

As did Timothy and Paul, you and I will make mistakes. Some folks won’t appreciate what we say or do. Understandably, we can be hurt by others’ negative reactions.

Worrying about another’s response to us robs our lives of freedom and joy. This week I want to relax, breath more deeply and cease from taking responsibility for how someone thinks or reacts. It’s not my responsibility.

It’s an ongoing process, yet one thing that helps me immensely is this: Not everyone liked Christ, either. And He was totally faultless!

Your Turn: When your inner-critic bombards you with worry-producing questions like “What if she doesn’t like me? or “What if he disagrees and gets angry?” what helps you relax and release?

“In order to grow, I need to be hard on myself.” If you’re prone to surprising mini attacks of anxiety, agitation or fear (whether you’re good at hiding it from others or not), you may have an underlying belief something like this one.

MOTIVATING YOURSELF?

You try to motivate yourself by making a mental list of the ways you fall short in your work/career, marriage, friendships, parenting, prayer life, volunteer service, or even self-care. But I’m wondering: How is that working for you?

Just this week during several calls with life coaching clients this topic popped up. Although I didn’t say so during the coaching calls (after all I’m committed to holding each coach-ee’s agenda!) I can identify. Definitely.

In his helpful book, This is Your Brain on Joy, Dr. Henslin shares how respected physician and author Dr. Amen often speaks of “automatic negative thoughts” or ANTs.  These ANTs include what he calls “Guilt Beatings.”

It happens when we’re “being overrun by thoughts of ‘I should have done. . .’ ‘I’m bad because. . . ‘ ‘I must do better at. . .’ ‘I have to. . .’ Guilt is powerful at making us feel bad. It is a lousy motivator of behavior.”

STOMPING ON ANTS

Yet we can stomp on our shame-producing ANTs. Here’s Dr. Henslin’s suggestions:

1. “Become a bystander to your thoughts–questioning their validity and asking yourself, Is there another way to think about the same situation that might be more true? More kind? More uplifting and positive?
2. “Simply talk back to your mind the way a sassy teen might talk back to an adult. In this case, it is okay. Tell our ANTs to take a hike, and invite APTs (automatic positive thoughts) in, instead.”
3. “Exchange [your] worries for God’s reassurances. . .  The Scriptures speak of  ’taking every thought captive’ (2 Cor 2:5) and ‘the renewing of our mind’ (Rom 12:2).

I’m going to STOMP ON MY ANTs this week. Want to join me? I’d love to know whether you find it a greater motivation for growth and development in your life.

On my 13^th birthday I opened a gift from a friend and found a book of prayers. Each time I read one my desire to pray grew. (Yes, I was a normal teenager with peer problems and flighty episodes!)

More Book-Gifts

Years later after receiving several lovely wedding gifts of towels and household supplies, I unwrapped a devotional book titled Streams in the Desert, a compilation of daily thoughts and scriptural insights.

Then during my slide into burnout flamed by trying-too-hard-to make-it-all-just-right, I received another gift—this time from an employee. It was the book, My Utmost for His Highest.

Throughout my life reading devotional books has enriched my alone times with God. Sometimes I read several devotions and study scripture for an extended period. Other times I only read one short devotion before I scoot out the door. Some days I have no time to read at all.

Books Have Changed My Life

Yet as I digest the words others have written about what it means to follow Christ, I’m inspired to stay committed to my decision to be a woman after God’s own heart (as imperfect King David was. Acts 13:22)

I still have the daily prayer book I received as a teenager. Recently I scanned the prayer-notes that I jotted in the margins. I chuckled when I noticed that even as a teen I often felt overwhelmed and self-critical. God proved patient and graceful with me then as He is now.

Reading devotions and inspirational messages causes me to want to spend time in prayer, to listen to God and rest in His presence. When I read something that catches my attention, I jot my response or question on the page.  Then later I go to the Bible to confirm or challenge what I read.

Reading Draws Me to God

When I’m feeling numb and don’t know what to do I open a devotional book and gain support to move forward. Reading devotional material has been such a vital part of my spiritual journey that I’ve wanted to pass on the joy to others. As a result I’ve written several devotional-type books.

I love how God is teaching the overwhelmed and self-critical teenager who grew up to be an overwhelmed and people-pleasing adult that He loves and cherishes me whether I read the right books or pray just the right prayer or have perfectly consistent faith. He knows my genuine desire to be intimate with Him and serve others. And God continues to teach me through the written words of others who love Him, too. I guess I get caught reading quite a lot!

Rich Inspirational Reads

Here’s a list of devotional type books that have made a big impact on me.

1. A Diary of Daily Prayer by John Baille (It’s a classic.)
2. Streams in the Desert, Vol. Two by Mrs. Charles Cowman (Classic, too!)
3. My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (Well-known and loved.)
4. Intimate Moments with the Savior by Ken Gire
5. Dare to Journey with Henri Nouwen by Charles Ringma
6. God Grant by Paul E. Keller
7. A Guide to Prayer by Rueben P. Job and Norman Shawchuck
8. The Secret Place of Strength by Marie Chapian
9. Psalms for Recovery by Barbara Stephens
10. The Message//Remix: Solo–Eugene H. Peterson, Jan Johnson, J.R. Briggs, Katie Peckham
11. Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (A current best-seller)

There are more. Perhaps I’ll post another list later. The following books are the devotional books I’ve written as a result of my journey.

1. It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life by Joan C. Webb
2. Everyday Wisdom by Joan C. Webb
3. Meditation for Christians Who Try to Be Perfect by Joan C. Webb
4. Devotions for Little Boys and Girls by Joan C. Webb (a four book series for children and their parents.) 1.) Old Testament; 2.) New Testament; 3.) What is God Like?; 4.) Jesus and His Friends

Your Turn to Get Caught Reading

What inspirational-type book has impacted your life?

“Each bed-time, I would beat myself up for not being a perfect Christian mom, for not spending enough time with God, for failing to accomplish more for Him,” said my friend Suzanne. “I thought this nightly scolding ritual would help me grow spiritually, but instead I became more dissatisfied, inflexible and tired.

“Then while studying the Old Testament one autumn, I read Zephaniah 3:17. The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” And to my surprise, I sensed God accepting me instead of reprimanding me for not being good-enough yet. It was my turning point.”

It’s Mother’s Day week! And time for us Moms to enjoy some emotional, mental and spiritual rest and relaxation. If you’re like Suzanne and me, you’ve probably discovered that trying-too-hard-to-make-it-all-just-right can backfire on you and start to dull your soul.

Suzanne with my daughter as they talk & sing to Lynnette's babies

Mommy, during the next few days, remind yourself that God sings over you, just the way you do when you want to calm your children or share smiles with them. Here’s an idea: Write the words of Zeph 3:17 on a sticky note and put it where you’ll see it often. Maybe on your computer, ipad, mirror, kitchen counter or steering wheel.

Perhaps you can identify a little with Suzanne and her story. What was your turning point?

I’m curious: Where did you put your sticky note?

A Story-Guide to Intentional Prayer

Right before our family moved from sunny California to snowy Minnesota ( and yes, the snow was this high!), I read Psalm 27:4*. My heart’s desire was to know God intimately and enjoy His friendship. So, I wrote a JCW (Joan Carol Webb) paraphrase of the psalmist’s words and prayed, “Lord, what I want most of all is the privilege of being with You every day of my life, delighting in who You are and basking in Your majesty and greatness.”

Then God seemed to urge me to read Psalm 27:5*, too. I didn’t like that verse much, because it mentioned “troubles” and the hint of unpleasantness ahead. So I ignored it, until God prodded some more. So, I added the following words to my prayer, “There I’ll be when trouble comes, safe in Your presence.”

A week after we arrived in MN, I had premature labor pains and lost our baby. I felt like my head was in a vice, yet sensed being unexplainably safe. I had heard God’s words to me and prayed them back to Him, relying on His trustworthiness. And He carried me during a devastating time. In the midst of it all, I experienced the desire of my heart: To know God intimately.

Today consider asking God to give you a specific verse/promise and then turn it into a prayer. To help solidify it in your mind/heart, jot it down and date it and watch how God responses.

Want to share your verse-prayer? I’d love to “hear” it.

(Just to be clear: God’s loving presence doesn’t mean I didn’t feel the loss and grief. Or that I don’t experience the pain now, even years later. Recently while sitting with a loved one who suffered a miscarriage, we hugged and cried together over our lost babies. And I have a lump in my throat right now as I write about baby Matthew–although I know he’s in the arms of Jesus.)

*Psalm 27:4-5 NIV:

⁴One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple.

⁵For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock.

You realize the person aiming this advice at you means well. Still it’s not easy to do when things seem so messed up.

Okay, face it: Sometimes faith seems far away. At other times faith surprises you and swells up inside. For example, although Abraham had previously tried to control his own future (lying about his wife and getting a surrogate mother for his promised offspring) when he faced the confusing circumstances on Mt. Moriah concerning his young heir Isaac, Abraham had faith that God would see him through.

Though you try with all the discernment you can muster, you’ll never know exactly what tomorrow holds. If you’re like most people, you wish you could. It’s frustrating when well-intentioned attempts to “direct” your family, job, health, church, or the economy fail to produce the results you want.

Yet frustration can give way to faith:

• Faith in those who genuinely love and care about you.
• Faith in your God-given talents and calling.
• And ultimate faith in the One who created and sustains the world and supplied your Savior.

Today’s Q: Will you loosen your grip on people, things, and circumstances and toss over to God for what you cannot do. (Remember, this is merely a suggestion in the form of a question. You have the option to respond with a “yes” or a “no” or a renegotiation or a “let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”)

If you’re open to it, leave me a comment. I’d love to hear your answer. I’m seriously thinking about my response right now . . .

Several years ago while enjoying a few days away on retreat, I listened to some background music while I ate breakfast. To the peaceful strumming of a guitar, the soloist sang the following words: “God is in love with his people. God is in love with me.”