Has anyone ever said to you, “You’re such a perfectionist!” or “Who died and made you God?” Perhaps you’ve mumbled something similar when dealing with a demanding co-worker or loved one. But what is perfectionism?

One dictionary defines it as “a propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect.” Yet a practicing perfectionist may not always demand straight A’s, refuse to leave the house if the bed’s not made, or endlessly edit a report. Perfectionism is more subtle than that. It’s about unreasonable expectations – how we berate ourselves and others (silently or aloud) for having human (decoded as “weak”) thoughts and emotions, inconsistent commitment levels, or average accomplishments, bodies and relationships.

When we try too hard to make ourselves, our jobs and our families “just right,” we get overly stressed and bone-tired. Who needs that? Relief is possible. It’s a process, but we can reduce our self-sabotaging behaviors by:

Realizing that when we fall into the “trying too hard to make it just right” trap, we believe a misconception: That people, projects and circumstances have the capacity to be perfect (or “just right”).

• Acknowledging that when we adhere to this misconception, life becomes a persistent disappointment.
• Recognizing that this mind-set increases our anxiety and sabotages our relationships and dreams.
• Changing our unrealistic expectations to believe the truth: Human beings, organizations, and even our accomplishments do not have the ability to be flawless 24/7. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful! Only God is perfect!

If you doubt that you’ll still be able to reach your God-given goals, become an excellent employee, succeed as a parent or grow spiritually when you relax and release your unrealistic expectations, check out next week’s blog. (Hint: There IS a difference between partnering with God for excellence and operating in perfectionism.)

Just wondering here: Do you ever get tired of trying too hard to make it all just right?

I adapted this article which I originally wrote to be published by Genius Avenue Inc., copyright 2011.

A few years ago after one of my “Permission to Exhale”* retreats, a lovely woman quietly walked up to me and shared about the courageous next step she wanted to take. Little did I know that I had just met one of the best writers I’ve ever read: Lynne Hartke. You’ll love her blog.  http://www.lynnehartke.com/ Today I’ve asked Lynne (who is also a preschool teacher) to guest blog for me. Enjoy!

Lynne writes:

When two-year old Tyler handed me this picture, I responded like most adults. “Oh Tyler, I love this picture. You used such nice bright colors. Did it take a long time?”

I have learned from past experience to try not to interpret the drawing by saying, “What a nice picture of your mom”, only to find out it was a dinosaur. I also did not say, “Are blue and red the only colors you know how to use? How about green? Orange? Or brown? When are you going to learn to draw a real picture? Take this back and do it right!”

I didn’t say these things because it would be cruel (and I would also be unemployed.) I don’t expect a two-year old to be able to draw as well as a teenager or an adult. I realize that a child is more interested in the joy of coloring than in producing the perfect picture.

In the book Dangerous Wonder by Michael Yaconelli, he compares coloring to Christianity. He writes, “Most of my life I hear the message loud and clear that Christianity was all about…coloring well. If I was a good Christian, if I loved Jesus and wanted to please Him, if I read my Bible, prayed, and went to church, then I would get better and better at coloring…and I would eventually be able to draw close to the perfect drawing.”

I know I have fallen into this trap. I have gotten caught up in trying to produce the perfect drawing and I have missed the joy of coloring. When this happens, my faith becomes a list of rules, rather than a creative adventure. Ironically, my best effort is still going to end up looking a lot like Tyler’s picture and yet God doesn’t rip it up in disgust.

No. He says, “I can see you love the color pink. I like all the hearts you made all over the paper. Good job.” And then He’s going to take my picture and put it on His refrigerator, right next to pcitures from Mother Teresa and Moses. Because that’s what proud parents do.

So although I might not draw the perfect picture, I can’t wait to get out my crayons and markers and create another drawing to show Him. What picture are you drawing today?

*”Permission to Exhale” events based on my books, The Relief of Imperfection and It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life.

Special thanks for my friend and writing colleague, Lynne Hartke, for guest blogging today.

Today I read my friend, Author Mary Pierce’s BLOG at http://www.laughlady.com/. I always LOL on Tuesdays because that’s the day Mary (When Did My Life Become a Game of Twister?) writes her Blah! Blah! Blah! BLOG. This morning her entry was titled “The 1% Solution.”

“Last January, I set three major goals for 2007. . .” writes Mary. “I missed each goal by–you guessed it–100%. HA! . . . [So] I’m changing my approach; I call it The 1% Solution. Here’s how it works:
Today, I’ll exercise 1% more than I did yesterday. Yesterday my only exercise was beating around the bush and jumping to conclusions. Today I’ll take a five-minute walk. . . . Then I’ll throw myself a little party. . . Woo-hoo!”

And I decided to respond to her blog, even though I’ve never done it before. I typed, “Fun stuff and reasonable idea—that Laugh Lady’s 1% plan! I just typed in a witty reply to your blog, but made a mistake and lost it all. Bummer. Oh, well, sounds like a little ‘Relief of Imperfeciton‘ for me today.” Comment by joancwebb — January 8, 2008 @ 11:02 pm

THEN I SAW IT! YIKES! So I wrote another entry to the blog. “Oops! I re-read the comments I just posted and I realize I’m having trouble spelling the title of my new book. (Hey, give me a break–typing comments on blogs is NEW to me!) Anyway, the word ‘Imperfection’ is not spelled ‘Imperfeciton.’ The title of the book is–The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right. And well, the truth is, I’ve made several ‘imperfectionistic‘ blunders today and I’m still standing and smiling.

“Just for the record, in addition to the two I’ve mentioned above, I forgot to get my husband’s boarding pass online as I promised I would. Now he’ll probably have to sit at the “back of the bus” on his flight from Phoenix to Little Rock! Double bummer. It reminds of the Laugh Lady’s 1%. Mary writes that she can’t do everything [just right], so she is going to make a 1% shift in the right direction.

And I did, too. I said, “I’m really sorry, Richard.” And since I’m not down on myself tonight, it is reason enough to join Mary, the Laugh Lady, in a “Woo-Hoo!”

The 1% Solution works! And by the way, so does The Relief of Imperfection! Try it! I think you might like it! Go to http://www.amazon.com/ and type The Relief of Imperfection in the “search.” Also, go to http://www.reliefofimperfection.com/ and write me an email under the CONTACT US menu. I’ll enter your email into my January FREE BOOK DRAWING. Maybe you’ll be a winner like Linda Christ. (See the recent posting.)

Relief blessings to you this January 2008!