If shame causes a person to hide who she is, I must be ashamed of myself. I hide the books I read for fear of being ridiculed. I refrain from sharing my thoughts when they differ from someone who doesn’t understand me. I practice piano only when no one is around. I’m afraid I’ll be considered arrogant if I do what I believe God is calling me to do.

Years ago, I wrote these words in my journal. Reading them now, I feel sad because fears like these kept me, for quite some time, from becoming the person God created me to be. I’ve met other women (and men!) beset by similar troubling self-views, so I recognize that it is possible for any of us to feel ashamed simply being ourselves.

Here’s what I’m learning: Just because a friend or relative is not a musician doesn’t mean I can’t be. I can enjoy reading, studying and teaching even though another person would rather do a hands-on helping project. If someone I love participates in sports and I don’t, that’s all right.

They can use the talent and gifts God gave them and pursue the activities and ministries they enjoy. And I can do the same.

Would you like to join me in praying: Lord, please help me to accept my personality characteristics and talents as gifts from You. And when someone else doesn’t understand who and what I am, give me courage to smile and not hide*.

Make It Personal: What do you enjoy doing? How can you do more of what you like?

*By the way, when we try to hide, we’re never quite successful. It reminds me of this photo of my granddaughter. There are always holes in our hiding methods!

This blog adapted from a devotion in my book It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life. (There’s a Kindle version, too!)

Not everyone will like you or agree with your decisions. (Bummer!)

Some may reject your values, doubt your credentials, or clash with your personality. It can cause you to be overly-concerned about what others think. (I get that, because it happens to me, too.)

The Apostle Paul mentored young Timothy and encouraged him to live wisely and courageously as the person God called him to be. (1 Timothy 4:12-14.) Yet Paul knew the truth: Only God is perfect. He is “the blessed and only Sovereign…who alone has immortality” (1Timothy 6:15-16).

As did Timothy and Paul, you and I will make mistakes. Some folks won’t appreciate what we say or do. Understandably, we can be hurt by others’ negative reactions.

Worrying about another’s response to us robs our lives of freedom and joy. This week I want to relax, breath more deeply and cease from taking responsibility for how someone thinks or reacts. It’s not my responsibility.

It’s an ongoing process, yet one thing that helps me immensely is this: Not everyone liked Christ, either. And He was totally faultless!

Your Turn: When your inner-critic bombards you with worry-producing questions like “What if she doesn’t like me? or “What if he disagrees and gets angry?” what helps you relax and release?

Sometimes I get so drained trying to be the ideal wife, mother, friend, writer, daughter, sister, business owner, manager, speaker, teacher and Christian woman (that’s the most confusing one at times) that I just want to step down from my regular life, go away to figure “it” out, and return all fixed and safe for the future. But as Sandy Richardson and Susan Wilsie Govier, authors of Soul Hunger, remind me, “Safety doesn’t come from having all my ducks in a row.”

You’d think after all this time, I’d have the perfect (oops!) routine all formed, wrapped in a neat little package, and ready to open and use at a moment’s notice. It isn’t like that.

While I do have tools that help, I don’t have it (or me) all figured out. (Shock!) I still have to be persistent and deliberate about maintaining balance (saying yes to some things and no to others) and taking current action steps to experience the relief of imperfection.

I’m different than I used to be. Free-er. Less rigid. It doesn’t matter as much if something isn’t explained just right or folded correctly. I’m more willing to ask for what I need. (Though this is still hard for me at times.) I don’t feel as responsible for my husband’s happiness. I laugh more readily. And because of all this, I’m a grateful woman. I truly am.

Yet I’m certainly not perfect—and it’s in admitting and accepting this that I find such relief! I identify with Katie Brazelton, author of Pathway to Purpose who wrote, “As I left behind my unreachable Utopia and entered the real world of laughable flaws, I experienced a freedom I did not expect.”*

SO HOW ABOUT YOU? What happens when you try to get all your ducks to stay in a row? What makes you feel safe?

*Adapted from The Relief of Imperfection (at Amazon BARGAIN PRICE right now for $6 instead of $14.99. Ironically so is Brazelton’s book, Pathway to Purpose. We never know when the sale is going to show up or fade away. Maybe now is your time to get both! BTW, Soul Hunger is a good resource about Eating Disorders.)

According to the National Headache Foundation (NHF), over 45 million Americans suffer from various types of recurring headaches. Doctors report that the majority of these headaches are tension-related. The NHF suggests that “learning to live one day at a time” may relieve anxiety that contributes to the pain and inconvenience of muscle-contraction headaches.

GUEST BLOGGER: I’ve invited Jesus, well-known speaker/teacher, artist and savior of the world to be my guest blogger today. He recommends a similar philosophy which he highlighted in one of his spontaneous presentations and reiterates here:

AZ Desert Flowers near Canyon Lake

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers…don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax. …Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. …Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (Matthew 6:30-34 The Message)

Another journalist reported Jesus’ message in a slightly different way: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will brings its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matt. 6:34 NLT)

I realize that the elimination of all stress is impossible in this imperfect world. Yet, I do find it encouraging that intentionally living “one day at a time” can alleviate the pain of my overly-tight muscles. (Well, that’s an understatement!”)

Thank you to Jesus Christ, the Son of God, for contributing to my blog today. What’s your response to his advice?

I sat in the auditorium next to the guests I’d invited to join me for this special event. While engrossed in the beautiful music, it dawned on me: Joan, you’re enjoying this concert for the sheer pleasure of it, without being preoccupied with your guests’ thoughts, feelings or reactions. I smiled then and I’m smiling now as I remember.

For years, an overzealous sense of responsibility overshadowed my personal enjoyment. When I invited another person to attend a church service, concert or even a luncheon, I felt duty-bound to see that she enjoyed the time and gained new insight. Now I realize that I’m not responsible for someone else’s perceptions, attitudes or knowledge.

Through my years of life coaching and speaking, I’ve noticed an epidemic of over-helping. Those of us who want to join God in His work sometimes live by a false premise that we must fix what’s broken, heal what hurts and right what’s wrong (in our opinion). This over-active sense of responsibility can lead us to believe that we’re more powerful than we really are. It’s exhausting.

God is the Almighty One, and He wants to release us from this unnecessary responsibility. He is the one in charge of the world, not us. When we give Him our shoulds, musts and ought-tos, we begin to live in genuine freedom. You and I are not responsible for anyone else’s life fulfillment. Only our own. What uncomplicated delight!

Yesterday a coaching client emailed me to let me know that she had just read the above devotional in my book, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life. She wrote, “It hit the nail on the head with what I often feel with others.” Then she explained that she’s excited about letting go of the responsibility that isn’t hers.

What about you? What unreasonable I should or I must belief has worn you out and threatened to keep you from experiencing your own satisfaction or pleasure? I’d love to hear from you.

Processing life–with the good, painful, and disappointing–is an annoyingly slow procedure at times. Although the growth process is always worthwhile, sometimes it takes me to frightening places where I feel unfamiliar emotions, think uncomfortable thoughts…and well, just plain hurt.

My stomach aches. My head throbs. My body gets tired. I find it takes courage to let myself experience these things, acknowledge my reality, and move beyond my conditioned attitudes and behavior–to GROW as a person–mother, wife, friend, writer, coach, business owner and child of God.

Although process isn’t always fun and I want God to hurry up sometimes, it helped me immensely when I realized that God could have sent His Son to accomplish His redemptive work during a weekend retreat. Perhaps then Jesus would have escaped much of the prolonged discomfort.

Instead God chose for Jesus to arrive as a baby, become a teen, and confront young adulthood. The faultless Son of God left perfection with His Father to face earth’s reality: sickness, death, abuse, and unbelief.

As I realized that God sanctions process, I began to relax and accept that progress takes time. And now as the years march by (hmmm, actually it feels more like they’re racing!) I want to remind myself again.

When I take substantial steps forward and then something happens to trigger old response strategies and I fall back, I have the option to pause where I am and begin again. Because God sanctions process. I love that. How about you?

You realize the person aiming this advice at you means well. Still it’s not easy to do when things seem so messed up.

Okay, face it: Sometimes faith seems far away. At other times faith surprises you and swells up inside. For example, although Abraham had previously tried to control his own future (lying about his wife and getting a surrogate mother for his promised offspring) when he faced the confusing circumstances on Mt. Moriah concerning his young heir Isaac, Abraham had faith that God would see him through.

Though you try with all the discernment you can muster, you’ll never know exactly what tomorrow holds. If you’re like most people, you wish you could. It’s frustrating when well-intentioned attempts to “direct” your family, job, health, church, or the economy fail to produce the results you want.

Yet frustration can give way to faith:

• Faith in those who genuinely love and care about you.
• Faith in your God-given talents and calling.
• And ultimate faith in the One who created and sustains the world and supplied your Savior.

Today’s Q: Will you loosen your grip on people, things, and circumstances and toss over to God for what you cannot do. (Remember, this is merely a suggestion in the form of a question. You have the option to respond with a “yes” or a “no” or a renegotiation or a “let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”)

If you’re open to it, leave me a comment. I’d love to hear your answer. I’m seriously thinking about my response right now . . .