Has anyone ever said to you, “You’re such a perfectionist!” or “Who died and made you God?” Perhaps you’ve mumbled something similar when dealing with a demanding co-worker or loved one. But what is perfectionism?

One dictionary defines it as “a propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect.” Yet a practicing perfectionist may not always demand straight A’s, refuse to leave the house if the bed’s not made, or endlessly edit a report. Perfectionism is more subtle than that. It’s about unreasonable expectations – how we berate ourselves and others (silently or aloud) for having human (decoded as “weak”) thoughts and emotions, inconsistent commitment levels, or average accomplishments, bodies and relationships.

When we try too hard to make ourselves, our jobs and our families “just right,” we get overly stressed and bone-tired. Who needs that? Relief is possible. It’s a process, but we can reduce our self-sabotaging behaviors by:

Realizing that when we fall into the “trying too hard to make it just right” trap, we believe a misconception: That people, projects and circumstances have the capacity to be perfect (or “just right”).

• Acknowledging that when we adhere to this misconception, life becomes a persistent disappointment.
• Recognizing that this mind-set increases our anxiety and sabotages our relationships and dreams.
• Changing our unrealistic expectations to believe the truth: Human beings, organizations, and even our accomplishments do not have the ability to be flawless 24/7. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful! Only God is perfect!

If you doubt that you’ll still be able to reach your God-given goals, become an excellent employee, succeed as a parent or grow spiritually when you relax and release your unrealistic expectations, check out next week’s blog. (Hint: There IS a difference between partnering with God for excellence and operating in perfectionism.)

Just wondering here: Do you ever get tired of trying too hard to make it all just right?

I adapted this article which I originally wrote to be published by Genius Avenue Inc., copyright 2011.

What keeps you from doing blog entries, Joan? I wrote out-of-seemingly-nowhere this morning while journaling.

Logical question really, since it’s been 5 weeks and 3 days since I’ve blogged–on either blog: http://www.reliefofimperfection.blogspot.com or http://joancwebb.blogspot.com. Yikes! What is that about??

Well, probably it has to do with several things. But. . . in my journal earlier today, I spontaneously wrote: Hmmm. I’m afraid it will be ‘lame’–not good enough. Well, that’s a kick, huh? Good enough is okay, JC.

That is a hoot, since I’m the one who writes, speaks, coaches and lives to encourage others–and myself–to embrace the “relief of imperfection”, thus reducing procrastination. . . and so on and so on. You know how it is. Well, do you?

Anyway here goes. Even before I get all this social networking, blogging, internet marketing, online communication figured out (which I am working on and one of the other reasons I’ve not blogged!) I’ll go ahead and blog–imperfectly.

First, I’ll start with a little follow-up on my last blog (on March 10, 2009!). I had a great time at the Christian Book Expo in Dallas on March 20-22, even though the attendance was lower than expected. It was incredibly well-done. Professional. Great workshops. Absolutely superb nightly worship services. Good interaction with all that were there. Wonderful Christian Book Awards dinner. Here’s a few pix that help me remember the good times:
I autographed copies of my book, The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right, and 99% of the women who stopped by said, “Oh, that’s me. Honestly.” And then they shared some of their stories with me. I loved it! One woman I met wore a sweater that “perfectly” matched the book cover. We had our photo taken together. As she walked away, I said, “Watch my blog. Your picture will probably show up on it.” And then it took me weeks to upload her lovely photo. I wished I remembered her name.

Chris Simms from Regal Books managed the booth and it was great to get to know him a little. Saw pix of his lovely family, heard stories about life on the road introducing and selling “books” and learned from his wise suggestions.

Loved spending time with author Vicki Kuyper. She’s a friend and colleague who is full of fun and authenticity–and a really good writer! And she happens to be from Arizona, too. I attended her workshop where she shared about her philosophy that “God is a Slippery Fish.” Vicki has written over 40 books. Her latest two are from New Hope Publishers: Breaking the Surface and Wonderlust.

I also attended a workshop by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, authors of the incredibly popular books, For Men Only and For Women Only. Fun to listen to their stories and fascinating research about the differences between males and females.

Well, that wasn’t so bad for my first “good enough” blog in 5 1/2 weeks! If I were chatting with a life coaching client I’d say, “Congrats! Now keep going. You can do it!”