Stop Living Like You’re on Fire

Maybe you’re just tapping your toe in the burnout cauldron. Perhaps you’re going down for the third count. Identifying your symptoms and the degree of your burnout will help you make intentional decisions to regain healthy balance. Here’s a shortened list of symptoms ranging from the occasionally bothersome to the more severe.

1. Decreased energy/unfocused/confused/disappointed
2. Increased fatigue/stress/sometimes use caffeine/sweets to lift mood
3. Change in weight/occasions of insomnia
4. Less creativity/vanishing sense of purpose
5. Headaches/decreased libido/muscle aches/dizziness
6. Feelings of depression/resentment/rigidity
7. Decreased social activity/nagging anxiety/emotional numbing
8. Exhaustion 24/7 with inability to sleep
9. Chest pains/shortness of breath/stomach problems/dizziness/disorientation
10. Inappropriate outbursts/periods of risky behavior/unhealthy blood pressure/diagnosis of illness

“If you don’t want to burnout, stop living like you’re on fire,” writes Brene Brown, a vulnerability researcher at the University of Houston. Adopting reusable freedom-producing strategies can help you avoid additional symptoms or escape an established burnout system.

1. Develop an authentic picture of yourself. Ask 3 questions: What’s good about my life right now? What concerns me? What’s currently missing in my life?
2. Set realistic goals. By saying “yes” to a new project, you’ll automatically be saying “no” to something else. (If your “yes” means “no” to adequate sleep you’re not doing yourself any favors!)
3. Ask for support. People are often pleased to help.
4. Cultivate a detached concern (balanced love) for recipients of your efforts. You’re not responsibility for the success, happiness, or sobriety of another.
5. Maintain a reasonable action plan of proper nutrition and physical exercise. Take time-outs when you need them.

After one professional woman changed her burnout-prone lifestyle, her teenager said, “Mom, you saved my life. When I saw that you could take better care of yourself, I knew I could heal from anorexia. Thanks.” Self-care is not selfish.

What loving self-care will you resolve to practice in 2012?

A few years ago after one of my “Permission to Exhale”* retreats, a lovely woman quietly walked up to me and shared about the courageous next step she wanted to take. Little did I know that I had just met one of the best writers I’ve ever read: Lynne Hartke. You’ll love her blog.  http://www.lynnehartke.com/ Today I’ve asked Lynne (who is also a preschool teacher) to guest blog for me. Enjoy!

Lynne writes:

When two-year old Tyler handed me this picture, I responded like most adults. “Oh Tyler, I love this picture. You used such nice bright colors. Did it take a long time?”

I have learned from past experience to try not to interpret the drawing by saying, “What a nice picture of your mom”, only to find out it was a dinosaur. I also did not say, “Are blue and red the only colors you know how to use? How about green? Orange? Or brown? When are you going to learn to draw a real picture? Take this back and do it right!”

I didn’t say these things because it would be cruel (and I would also be unemployed.) I don’t expect a two-year old to be able to draw as well as a teenager or an adult. I realize that a child is more interested in the joy of coloring than in producing the perfect picture.

In the book Dangerous Wonder by Michael Yaconelli, he compares coloring to Christianity. He writes, “Most of my life I hear the message loud and clear that Christianity was all about…coloring well. If I was a good Christian, if I loved Jesus and wanted to please Him, if I read my Bible, prayed, and went to church, then I would get better and better at coloring…and I would eventually be able to draw close to the perfect drawing.”

I know I have fallen into this trap. I have gotten caught up in trying to produce the perfect drawing and I have missed the joy of coloring. When this happens, my faith becomes a list of rules, rather than a creative adventure. Ironically, my best effort is still going to end up looking a lot like Tyler’s picture and yet God doesn’t rip it up in disgust.

No. He says, “I can see you love the color pink. I like all the hearts you made all over the paper. Good job.” And then He’s going to take my picture and put it on His refrigerator, right next to pcitures from Mother Teresa and Moses. Because that’s what proud parents do.

So although I might not draw the perfect picture, I can’t wait to get out my crayons and markers and create another drawing to show Him. What picture are you drawing today?

*”Permission to Exhale” events based on my books, The Relief of Imperfection and It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life.

Special thanks for my friend and writing colleague, Lynne Hartke, for guest blogging today.

When I was a kid we had a standing joke that it was okay to talk to yourself, as long as you didn’t answer back. Well, I’m long past childhood and I’ve discovered just about everybody does both!

What do you say to yourself? Is it nice or not-so-nice? This morning a friend shared with me that when she’s alone she calls herself names, but she never does that when anyone else is around. She just keeps it internal then.

Perhaps your self-talk is pretty nice, yet it’s filled with half-truths like: “I should keep all my problems to myself.” “People must agree if they genuinely care about one another.” “I must stay busy all the time if I want to be an effective witness for Christ.” 

Even slightly-negative self-chatter can thwart growth and keep you from maintaining healthy relationships with yourself, others and God. BUMMER. Absolutes like “I must never be afraid” or Over-generalizations such as “Men are always like that–I can’t expect any better” can keep you in the status quo OR send you spiraling downward. DOUBLE BUMMER.

Yet relief and growth will take place when you and I exchange our half-truths and disapproving self-talk for realistic and grace-filled statements. For example: “Sometimes the unknown future scares me, yet with God’s help I’ll gain courage to move through the fear.” Ahhhh. RELIEF.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Jn 8:32

Not everyone will like you or agree with your decisions. (Bummer!)

Some may reject your values, doubt your credentials, or clash with your personality. It can cause you to be overly-concerned about what others think. (I get that, because it happens to me, too.)

The Apostle Paul mentored young Timothy and encouraged him to live wisely and courageously as the person God called him to be. (1 Timothy 4:12-14.) Yet Paul knew the truth: Only God is perfect. He is “the blessed and only Sovereign…who alone has immortality” (1Timothy 6:15-16).

As did Timothy and Paul, you and I will make mistakes. Some folks won’t appreciate what we say or do. Understandably, we can be hurt by others’ negative reactions.

Worrying about another’s response to us robs our lives of freedom and joy. This week I want to relax, breath more deeply and cease from taking responsibility for how someone thinks or reacts. It’s not my responsibility.

It’s an ongoing process, yet one thing that helps me immensely is this: Not everyone liked Christ, either. And He was totally faultless!

Your Turn: When your inner-critic bombards you with worry-producing questions like “What if she doesn’t like me? or “What if he disagrees and gets angry?” what helps you relax and release?

God doesn’t use a cookie-cutter method to produce good in people’s lives. Sometimes we put God in a box, making declarations like, “God healed me this way; He’ll do it the same way for you” or “Here’s how He helped me choose a partner; just wait—God will work this way for you, too” or “Here’s the Bible-study plan I use; you should, also.”

With the Egyptians hot on the heels of the liberated Israelite people, God changed His protective tactics. For days, God’s angel had effectively led them from the front of the ranks. But now God moved the angel to the rear. As a result, the approaching Egyptians couldn’t see the Israelites and Moses guided the people safely across the Red Sea. (Read Exodus 14:19-20.)

This is a story of how God altered the way He had worked previously in the lives of the people he loved. He just might do the same thing with you. He has all the diverse resources in the universe at His command. Even though He may have never moved in a specific way before, you need not panic; God knows how to protect you and to grace you with what you need to grow and mature.

You want to join me in prayer right now: Lord, sometimes You work as You have before; other times, You surprise me. I don’t have every answer, so I’ll step aside. Do Your job in Your way.

Your turn: When has God surprised you by the different approach He used to bring about good results in your life or the life of someone you love?

Adapted from a devotional in my book, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life.

Sometimes I get so drained trying to be the ideal wife, mother, friend, writer, daughter, sister, business owner, manager, speaker, teacher and Christian woman (that’s the most confusing one at times) that I just want to step down from my regular life, go away to figure “it” out, and return all fixed and safe for the future. But as Sandy Richardson and Susan Wilsie Govier, authors of Soul Hunger, remind me, “Safety doesn’t come from having all my ducks in a row.”

You’d think after all this time, I’d have the perfect (oops!) routine all formed, wrapped in a neat little package, and ready to open and use at a moment’s notice. It isn’t like that.

While I do have tools that help, I don’t have it (or me) all figured out. (Shock!) I still have to be persistent and deliberate about maintaining balance (saying yes to some things and no to others) and taking current action steps to experience the relief of imperfection.

I’m different than I used to be. Free-er. Less rigid. It doesn’t matter as much if something isn’t explained just right or folded correctly. I’m more willing to ask for what I need. (Though this is still hard for me at times.) I don’t feel as responsible for my husband’s happiness. I laugh more readily. And because of all this, I’m a grateful woman. I truly am.

Yet I’m certainly not perfect—and it’s in admitting and accepting this that I find such relief! I identify with Katie Brazelton, author of Pathway to Purpose who wrote, “As I left behind my unreachable Utopia and entered the real world of laughable flaws, I experienced a freedom I did not expect.”*

SO HOW ABOUT YOU? What happens when you try to get all your ducks to stay in a row? What makes you feel safe?

*Adapted from The Relief of Imperfection (at Amazon BARGAIN PRICE right now for $6 instead of $14.99. Ironically so is Brazelton’s book, Pathway to Purpose. We never know when the sale is going to show up or fade away. Maybe now is your time to get both! BTW, Soul Hunger is a good resource about Eating Disorders.)

People viewed tax collector Levi (also called Matthew) with contempt, yet Jesus chose him to be on His 12-man team.

Although I hesitate to admit this, at times I’ve made silent judgments about who is or is not spiritually mature. With the help of a couple of accountability partners, though, I’m becoming increasingly accepting of myself and others. It helps to remember that God is more interested in a person’s willingness and faith than whether they make faultless decisions or produce perfect plans. Oswald Chambers, author of My Utmost for His Highest, wrote, “The men and women our Lord sends out on His enterprises are the ordinary human stuff.”

I’ve noticed that some folks think they’ll never be good enough for God to use in His work, while others believe they have proved themselves to be extraordinary and He must utilize them and their talents. However, God doesn’t say, “You’re super-human; I’ll call you” or “She’s always right, I’ll send her.” God employs the ordinary people of this world—like you and me.

Lord, I’m not perfect, yet You choose to work in my life. I love that!

Make It Personal

What silent judgments have you made in the past about yourself and others? How did they help?

Today’s blog post is adapted from my devotional book, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life. It’s on Kindle now!

According to the National Headache Foundation (NHF), over 45 million Americans suffer from various types of recurring headaches. Doctors report that the majority of these headaches are tension-related. The NHF suggests that “learning to live one day at a time” may relieve anxiety that contributes to the pain and inconvenience of muscle-contraction headaches.

GUEST BLOGGER: I’ve invited Jesus, well-known speaker/teacher, artist and savior of the world to be my guest blogger today. He recommends a similar philosophy which he highlighted in one of his spontaneous presentations and reiterates here:

AZ Desert Flowers near Canyon Lake

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers…don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax. …Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. …Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (Matthew 6:30-34 The Message)

Another journalist reported Jesus’ message in a slightly different way: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will brings its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matt. 6:34 NLT)

I realize that the elimination of all stress is impossible in this imperfect world. Yet, I do find it encouraging that intentionally living “one day at a time” can alleviate the pain of my overly-tight muscles. (Well, that’s an understatement!”)

Thank you to Jesus Christ, the Son of God, for contributing to my blog today. What’s your response to his advice?

It’s Easter week and I’m thinking about Christmas! But it’s not what you suspect. I’m not in my perfectionistic-mode of planning, shopping and preparing my holidays that far in advance.

I’m thinking about Christmas, because Easter is the reason for Christmas. Which leads me to reflect on JESUS.

During His 33 years on earth, Jesus surrounded Himself with perfectly imperfect people who decided to admit their needs, take risks, make mistakes and grow. These are the kind of people who formed His staff and ministry team.

Actually, He didn’t spend much time with those who feigned perfection, appeared on-top-of-it-all, made unreasonable religious rules, blamed others for their dilemmas and remained preoccupied with appearances.

Instead Jesus preferred working, playing and living with people just like you and me. He enjoyed imperfect partnerships back then, just as He does today. What a relief-producing Easter thought!

How will this truth make a difference in your Easter holiday this season?

Easter Gift-Giving Tip: Include a copy of the book The Relief of Imperfection in your Easter baskets.